Spaces

After posting the last blurb, I realized I hadn't posted for almost a month. This exercise in blogging was supposed to be therapeutic, so why is it that when things got tough I hid from it? I guess as much as I want to deal with my issues, it simply is easier to just bury them. So, since the last post, there was conferences for the girls- both went very well. Especially for Stella- her teachers just do not have enough nice words in their collective vocabulary to say about her. Good student, nice to all the kids, respectful of the teachers. Phew! I just hope she can get into Emma and get aid- so she can have the best chance at all the things I didn't. And a chance to excel at things that she will never get to do as long as I work like a dog and Daddyo doesn't drive. But we have a few years before we really need to think about Emma, and when the times comes, hopefully we will be ready. We also celebrated Claire's 5th birthday, which was a whole lotta fun. We had the whole family over- school night be damned- for pizza and ice cream cake. She had fun, and her gifts made her happy, so all in all it was a grand success.

Then came Thanksgiving. And that was a mess. The drama between L and E sort of came to a head- at least as far as the family in the middle was concerned. They still haven't spoke in about 8 months, but both sides filled the middle with drama about how were they supposed to enjoy the holiday with this animosity hovering over the table? So I told L to feel free to make her own plans, that I wouldn't hold it against her, and she said she'd think about it. Then I learn by way of face book, that she has decided, and invited a bunch of people to her house. That's fine- I mean I told her to, but could she not spare me the decency of a phone call or text to tell me what she had decided? I was still kind of hoping against hope that she would come, and that maybe all this bullshit could be laid to rest. But I understand the improbability of that happening, but I still wish it would just disappear.

So while I was busily feeling sorry for myself, and my ruined holiday, Stella gets of the bus telling me a much beloved member of the school died suddenly- AT SCHOOL- that morning. Not in front of kids or anything, but still. And he happens to be my boss's brother. Hello, perspective!! It really focused my attention on what REALLY matters, and helped me see that nothing was ruined, AND that the drama between them was between THEM and ultimately would result serious emotional problems, but that I was not responsible. Life happens all around us, and most of the time all we can do is try to roll with it. Rarely, it seems, is there anything we can actually do about the others in our lives. We might as well take the best it has to offer, and try to accept the bad, and hope that if we give the best we can, we will get something decent back. I can't control what other people do, but that won't stop me from running my mouth- sometimes inappropriately-- hoping that something I might someday say to someone makes a difference somewhere along the line. I just have to find a way to not internalize every one else's bullshit like the little sponge that I am.